So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
