I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
