My Higher Power is John Stamos
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
