I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The adults are the big ones right?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize