Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
