I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
