He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
