So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
