Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
