for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
