You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think a kid would responsible me up
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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