Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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