i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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