i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
