Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
