That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
