i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was CRYING into my vagina
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
