i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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