I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
