So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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