So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
