Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
