College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
