ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't turn off my feet"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
