: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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