when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All the doctor said was why
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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