My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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