i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
