Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
