I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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