Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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