well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
