Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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