This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
