Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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