Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
