So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
