A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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