I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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