I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
