Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize