i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
