why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
