I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
