Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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