OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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