Someone shit on the floor
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
