only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i think my cat just said my name.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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