thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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