Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
