My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
