marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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