Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My penis needs a shock collar
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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