He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
