frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
