It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
