Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
