You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
