lets start a swedish sibling band together
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
