i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
