I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
