Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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