either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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