she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
