Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
