Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
did you just send me my own nude
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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