Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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