So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I deserve this hangover.
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