I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
