There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize