there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
