Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
