my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
