drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
