Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
