no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
