well I can't set my house on fire every night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
