If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
