the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i now understand why vodka
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
