I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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