I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
