I saw his package. It spoke to me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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