$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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