I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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