And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
