Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize