Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
