Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
