halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
