just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
